Michael Bungay Stanier, on Change, Coaching.com
I recently attended a session led by Michael Bungay Stanier (of The Coaching Habit fame) at the Coaching.com conference. He spoke about the difference between easy change and hard change using a metaphor that was particularly apt:
Easy change is adding a new app. Hard change is rewriting your operating system.
I see this all the time in my professional coaching work, especially with high-performing leaders. They’ve read all the books, downloaded the productivity apps but they’re still stuck. Why? Because the change they seek is one that asks them to give up something old and familiar, even if it’s not serving them anymore.
Michael said something else that impacted me:
Hard change is something we want to do and don’t want to do—at the same time.
That tension is where transformation happens. And it’s where most people get stuck. Grief, ambivalence, agency, and resistance all show up when someone’s on the edge of real change. No app can fix that. But coaching can hold it—and move it forward.
And then, he said one of the core tenants of professional coaching, a great reminder:
What gets in the way of people making a change? It’s not that people don’t know enough.
It’s never just an information gap. What blocks change is often emotional, somatic, existential. The people I work with don’t need more tips. They need space to sit with the discomfort, make meaning, and reorient with intention.
Michael offered three specific nudges that I’ll be taking straight into coaching sessions. Here’s how he framed them:
1. Understand the Anxiety of Success
What worries come up if you imagine fully committing to this change? Sometimes, fear of success—what it means to be different or visible—can be just as scary as fear of failure. This anxiety often blocks us before we even begin.
2. Explore Both Choices Honestly
You’re facing two paths: moving forward or stepping back. Take time to ask:
If you go for it, what’s the reward? What are the risks or costs?
If you don’t move forward, what do you gain? What do you lose?
This honest exploration helps surface the real stakes behind your decision, beyond the usual “I’m scared” or “I don’t know.”
3. Run Small Experiments
Big change isn’t about giant leaps. It’s about tiny, safe experiments that let you:
Gather data on what works and what doesn’t.
Avoid catastrophic risks by testing sideways or at a slant.
Remember: small experiments aren’t about solving the entire problem—they’re about learning and momentum.
Michael quoted Emily Dickinson when she said: “Tell all the truth but tell it slant.” Approaching change sideways can help to manage anxiety and build courage gradually.
Why These Insights Matter
For leaders, coaches, and anyone facing transformation, this framework is invaluable. It reminds us that hard change isn’t just about willpower or tools—it’s about emotional courage and embodied learning.
You can’t just “download” a new way of being. You have to install it—grieving the old, leaning into anxiety, and experimenting in real life.
What hard change are you facing right now?
Are you noticing your anxiety around success? Have you fully explored the choices before you? What small experiments could you try?
Message me if you want to explore this together. Sometimes, installing a new operating system starts with one small, brave step.